There he was again last night, in the audience for Barack Obama's address to the world: Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger III, the pilot who safely landed in the Hudson River.
Don't get me wrong: "Sully" is a genuine All-American Hero. His quick thinking and steady nerves saved lives.
But I'm worried that other airline pilots might become jealous of all the accolades directed at Sully and start landing their planes in the Hudson River.
They'd need a pretext, of course, lest they should be considered publicity-seekers. But that wouldn't be hard. Around NYC any capable pilot could steer his aircraft into a flock of geese or, failing that, simply carry some goose feathers on board to sprinkle about the engines after the "emergency" water landing.
Better yet, a pilot could arrange to have accomplices strip the engines for scrap metal and thereby destroy the evidence. The NY-NJ area has no shortage of specialists who could have the engine components crushed and smelted before the aircraft was even tugged to shore.
These are worrisome times, with the economy tanking, two wars, and Nancy Pelosi jumping out of her seat like a Jacqueline-in-a-box each time the President pauses to take a breath. (It's a miracle the Secret Service didn't tackle her after one of her leaps.)
As a psychomologist, Raging Bullwinkle has learned that the best way to overcome our worries is to worry about something nonsensical. Thus I choose to worry about a Sullenberger effect on jealous airline pilots.
I invite you to join me. Perhaps we can form a support group.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
NFL Scouting Combine combines hucksterism and chicanery
The NFL Network has been televising the workouts at the NFL Scouting Combine in Indianapolis.
The Combine combines hucksterism and chicanery. What a joke.
Most of the tests are not valid in that they don't predict NFL success. You know Vernon Davis, the 49er's TE whom coach Mike Singletary dressed down last season? He is a perfect example of a Combine Queen. He dazzled the scouts with his "athleticism" (wink, wink). But at the combine, nobody gets hit. There are no collisions. And fatigue isn't a factor. Neither is pressure.
And the tests themselves don't even measure what they purport to measure. I'll give the two worst examples.
You hear breathless talk by the NFL flacks of a "forty-one inch vertical leap!" That doesn't mean the guy got his heels 41 inches off the ground, which would be impressive. The measuring stick they use, with a bunch of revolving 1-inch thick sticks at the top, is set at a fixed height. Tall guys with long arms can reach the highest sticks. It's absurd.
Then there's the bench press, "reps with 225 pounds." What a joke. In an actual power lifting contest, most would get credit for 0 (ZERO) repetitions because they bounce the weight off their chests and arch their backs, raising their butts off the bench.
This year they have a new trick: not extending their arms fully, and not letting the weight all the way down to their chest on each rep. It's called cheating. Muscles are stronger at mid-range, relatively weaker when a muscle is fully extended or fully contracted. But the supposedly "tough" blowhard "strength coach" nevertheless counts each half lift as a full rep.
Raging Bullwinkle has been lifting weights for over 41 years. Raging Bullwinkle is unimpressed with this sham display of power. Consider that to the NFL Network’s Mike Mayock, 330 pounds is the ideal weight for an offensive lineman. A 225-pound barbell is only 65% of 330 pounds. Proportionately, it’s the equivalent of a 200-pound man doing repetitions with 130 pounds or a 225-pound man, like Raging Bullwinkle, doing repetitions with 145 pounds.
Then there’s the juice. The NFL doesn’t test for human growth hormone. And if you think BALCO will be the last lab to synthesize “designer steroids” to beat drug tests, you’re being silly.
Finally, there's the implicit assumption that a high number of reps with 225 pounds is correlated with a high maximum lift (one rep). But the correlation is not as strong as many people believe; there is not a linear correlation. For example, while most people who can do 10 reps with 225 pounds can do one rep with 300 pounds, 20 reps with 225 pounds does not translate to one rep with 600 pounds.
Two days ago Raging Bullwinkle went to the gym to do his weekly heavy workout. (He also does a weekly light workout in between heavy lifting sessions.) Although Raging Bullwinkle does a variety of lifts to maintain full-body functional strength, I’ll report on the bench press alone, the NFL’s standard of strength.
Raging Bullwinkle’s final three sets were: 4 repetitions with 250 pounds; 3 repetitions with 275 pounds; and one rep with 285 pounds. Raging Bullwinkle is only 225 pounds, too small to play his college position, guard, in the NFL. And Raging Bullwinkle is 55 ½ years old.
That's why Raging Bullwinkle is thoroughly unimpressed.
The Combine combines hucksterism and chicanery. What a joke.
Most of the tests are not valid in that they don't predict NFL success. You know Vernon Davis, the 49er's TE whom coach Mike Singletary dressed down last season? He is a perfect example of a Combine Queen. He dazzled the scouts with his "athleticism" (wink, wink). But at the combine, nobody gets hit. There are no collisions. And fatigue isn't a factor. Neither is pressure.
And the tests themselves don't even measure what they purport to measure. I'll give the two worst examples.
You hear breathless talk by the NFL flacks of a "forty-one inch vertical leap!" That doesn't mean the guy got his heels 41 inches off the ground, which would be impressive. The measuring stick they use, with a bunch of revolving 1-inch thick sticks at the top, is set at a fixed height. Tall guys with long arms can reach the highest sticks. It's absurd.
Then there's the bench press, "reps with 225 pounds." What a joke. In an actual power lifting contest, most would get credit for 0 (ZERO) repetitions because they bounce the weight off their chests and arch their backs, raising their butts off the bench.
This year they have a new trick: not extending their arms fully, and not letting the weight all the way down to their chest on each rep. It's called cheating. Muscles are stronger at mid-range, relatively weaker when a muscle is fully extended or fully contracted. But the supposedly "tough" blowhard "strength coach" nevertheless counts each half lift as a full rep.
Raging Bullwinkle has been lifting weights for over 41 years. Raging Bullwinkle is unimpressed with this sham display of power. Consider that to the NFL Network’s Mike Mayock, 330 pounds is the ideal weight for an offensive lineman. A 225-pound barbell is only 65% of 330 pounds. Proportionately, it’s the equivalent of a 200-pound man doing repetitions with 130 pounds or a 225-pound man, like Raging Bullwinkle, doing repetitions with 145 pounds.
Then there’s the juice. The NFL doesn’t test for human growth hormone. And if you think BALCO will be the last lab to synthesize “designer steroids” to beat drug tests, you’re being silly.
Finally, there's the implicit assumption that a high number of reps with 225 pounds is correlated with a high maximum lift (one rep). But the correlation is not as strong as many people believe; there is not a linear correlation. For example, while most people who can do 10 reps with 225 pounds can do one rep with 300 pounds, 20 reps with 225 pounds does not translate to one rep with 600 pounds.
Two days ago Raging Bullwinkle went to the gym to do his weekly heavy workout. (He also does a weekly light workout in between heavy lifting sessions.) Although Raging Bullwinkle does a variety of lifts to maintain full-body functional strength, I’ll report on the bench press alone, the NFL’s standard of strength.
Raging Bullwinkle’s final three sets were: 4 repetitions with 250 pounds; 3 repetitions with 275 pounds; and one rep with 285 pounds. Raging Bullwinkle is only 225 pounds, too small to play his college position, guard, in the NFL. And Raging Bullwinkle is 55 ½ years old.
That's why Raging Bullwinkle is thoroughly unimpressed.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Oh silly White people!
Once again, we see how some White people just don't get it. The blind stupidity of it all continues to astound me.
By now you've likely seen the cartoon printed by the NY Post today. Attempting to cash in on the humor of a grown gorilla who was someone's twisted idea of a "pet" finally going along with nature and attacking to the point of nearly murdering a human being before having to be killed itself.
How can any white person, in 2009, look at this cartoon and NOT think that it may be offensive and be considered racist? Long gone are the days when it was ok to compare a Black person to a gorilla/monkey/primate.
Maybe the artist didn't mean to be racist. Maybe the editor who allowed it to be printed didn't intend it to be racist.
But c'mon, white people. What the hell are you thinking?
By now you've likely seen the cartoon printed by the NY Post today. Attempting to cash in on the humor of a grown gorilla who was someone's twisted idea of a "pet" finally going along with nature and attacking to the point of nearly murdering a human being before having to be killed itself.
How can any white person, in 2009, look at this cartoon and NOT think that it may be offensive and be considered racist? Long gone are the days when it was ok to compare a Black person to a gorilla/monkey/primate.
Maybe the artist didn't mean to be racist. Maybe the editor who allowed it to be printed didn't intend it to be racist.
But c'mon, white people. What the hell are you thinking?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Ralph's Oscar Watch
You may not be a big movie fan, or even care about the Academy Awards, but I guarantee you'll be coming back here after the awards show to see if I was right.
I have achieved what I think is quite an accomplishment this year. I have seen EVERY one of the nominees for all the major categories in film for 2008. And I have not stepped foot inside a theater for over 2 years. (Thank you Internet.)
So after having seen every nominee for Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor and Actress, and Director (and what will probably win for Best Documentary) I feel as qualified as anyone to predict the winners. Here we go.. (# = 1 Star, ##### = 5 Stars, Stars equal rank among the nominees)
Best Picture:
Tough race here, a few could take the title, but one should win for certain.
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - #
"Frost/Nixon" - ##
"Milk" - ####
"The Reader" - ###
"Slumdog Millionaire" - #####
Slumdog IS the Best Picture of 2008. No doubt. Great story, well done, climactic ending, very original film, unknown actors, filmed outside the USA, it's got everything the Academy loves.
But look out for "Milk", the true story of the first Gay politician, a pioneer in Gay Rights, Harvey Milk. Most of us have heard of him, none of us knew his story. Amazing acting job from Sean Penn. A close second place.
Worthy, not nominated: "The Wrestler" and "Doubt".
Best Actor:
Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon" - #
Sean Penn, "Milk" - ####
Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - ###
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler" - #####
Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor" - ##
Sean Penn would be a worthy winner here, but Mickey Rourke was amazing. I've never been a fan of his, at all. A guy who ruined his own career years ago, makes a comeback for the ages. Plus the film was a brilliant look behind the scenes of an aged Pro Wrestler, now known by only a handful of fans who still recognize him, and still trying to cash in on that fandom. Very sad, one can imagine this is a documentary about Sgt. Slaughter or The Iron Sheik.
Best Actress:
Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married" - ##
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling" - ###
Melissa Leo, "Frozen River" - #
Meryl Streep, "Doubt" - ####
Kate Winslet, "The Reader" - #####
This is a two woman race. Meryl Streep is just incredible, but she always is. It's at the point where you just expect her to be great and she is once again. Jolie was good in an emotional, non-sexy role. But Kate Winslet is by far the BEST actress in 2008, appearing in 2 roles that could share this award ("Revolutionary Road" was her other Oscar-worthy performance). She has never won the Oscar after 5 nominations, but that streak stops here.
Best Supporting Actor:
Josh Brolin, "Milk" - ####
Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder" - #
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt" - ###
Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight" - #####
Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road" - ##
No-brainer, Heath Ledger. First off, he was great. Second off, he's dead. Even if he hadn't died too soon, he'd likely win anyway. He re-invented the role of The Joker as a maniacal psycho and you truly forget it's him playing that role. He's got a 1-20 odds in Vegas to win, (not 20 to 1, 1 to 20). Bet your $20 and win a dollar.
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams, "Doubt" - ###
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" - #####
Viola Davis, "Doubt" - #
Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - ##
Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler" - ####
Another tight race, and the only one here I feel I could get wrong. Viola Davis was good, but appeared in only 2 scenes. That's right, 2 scenes! Important scenes to the movie, but not nearly enough to qualify in this group. My choice would be Marisa Tomei, the reluctant love-interest for Mickey Rourke's over-the-hill wrestler. Lots of naked scenes, which certainly helped, but her role in Rourke's character's life was hugely important in this film.
However, I think Penelope Cruz will take this award. She comes out of nowhere with a larger than life personality, one moment a raging woman scorned, the next a compassionate sweet lover, then back to psycho. She steps in and steals the film. Actresses in Woody Allen films are especially blessed at awards time, so for that reason I predict her as the winner.
Best Director:
Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire" - #####
Stephen Daldry, "The Reader" - #
David Fincher, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - ###
Ron Howard, "Frost/Nixon" - ##
Gus Van Sant, "Milk" - ####
What do I know about Directing? Nothing. I can only look at the scope of a film and how difficult it must've been to film its scenes. Benjamin Button will win ALL the technical awards for making Brad Pitt 2 feet shorter and aging backwards. "Milk" had a lot of outdoor crowd scenes and recreated San Francisco in the 1970's. But Slumdog Millionaire was much wider in scope, expanded on the lives of the characters over 2 dozen years, and continually answered the questions it posed as the film went along. The basic concept of the film is that an uneducated kid from the trash-piles of India somehow knowing all the answers posed to him on a game show and as each question is asked, we see flashbacks in his life that explain how he knows the answers. And we find the real reason he's on the show in the first place (it's NOT to win the money).
Because Best Picture and Best Director often go hand-in-hand, I'm picking Slumdog Millionaire to take home both awards.
Best Documentary:
I only saw one of the nominees, but I saw the winner. About Phillipe Petit, the high-wire walker who traversed the Twin Towers shortly after they were built was just excellent. Complete with home movies of the young Petit in his backyard and a re-creation of how his "team" got him and his wire up to the top of TWC was just fascinating to watch for those of us who remember when he did it. Now we see how he did it, and why.
One last note: Bruce Springsteen not even being nominated for Best Song for a song he did exclusively for The Wrestler is a downright shame. My Springsteen fandom ended with "The River" album. Nothing he's done since even interests me. And when it comes to movie songs, most are just add-on's that aren't even heard during the film. Other than the James Bond theme songs, name a song and the movie it's born from? You can't. And yes, this Bruce song comes during the closing credits. But it totally sums up the main character and makes a perfect musical ending to a great film. You can imagine the main character singing this song about himself.
That's it. If you rent movies, take my advice and rent The Wrestler, Milk, Doubt, and of course, Slumdog Millionaire when they become available legally. You won't be sorry you spent a couple hours with any of them.
I have achieved what I think is quite an accomplishment this year. I have seen EVERY one of the nominees for all the major categories in film for 2008. And I have not stepped foot inside a theater for over 2 years. (Thank you Internet.)
So after having seen every nominee for Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor and Actress, and Director (and what will probably win for Best Documentary) I feel as qualified as anyone to predict the winners. Here we go.. (# = 1 Star, ##### = 5 Stars, Stars equal rank among the nominees)
Best Picture:
Tough race here, a few could take the title, but one should win for certain.
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - #
"Frost/Nixon" - ##
"Milk" - ####
"The Reader" - ###
"Slumdog Millionaire" - #####
Slumdog IS the Best Picture of 2008. No doubt. Great story, well done, climactic ending, very original film, unknown actors, filmed outside the USA, it's got everything the Academy loves.
But look out for "Milk", the true story of the first Gay politician, a pioneer in Gay Rights, Harvey Milk. Most of us have heard of him, none of us knew his story. Amazing acting job from Sean Penn. A close second place.
Worthy, not nominated: "The Wrestler" and "Doubt".
Best Actor:
Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon" - #
Sean Penn, "Milk" - ####
Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - ###
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler" - #####
Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor" - ##
Sean Penn would be a worthy winner here, but Mickey Rourke was amazing. I've never been a fan of his, at all. A guy who ruined his own career years ago, makes a comeback for the ages. Plus the film was a brilliant look behind the scenes of an aged Pro Wrestler, now known by only a handful of fans who still recognize him, and still trying to cash in on that fandom. Very sad, one can imagine this is a documentary about Sgt. Slaughter or The Iron Sheik.
Best Actress:
Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married" - ##
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling" - ###
Melissa Leo, "Frozen River" - #
Meryl Streep, "Doubt" - ####
Kate Winslet, "The Reader" - #####
This is a two woman race. Meryl Streep is just incredible, but she always is. It's at the point where you just expect her to be great and she is once again. Jolie was good in an emotional, non-sexy role. But Kate Winslet is by far the BEST actress in 2008, appearing in 2 roles that could share this award ("Revolutionary Road" was her other Oscar-worthy performance). She has never won the Oscar after 5 nominations, but that streak stops here.
Best Supporting Actor:
Josh Brolin, "Milk" - ####
Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder" - #
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt" - ###
Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight" - #####
Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road" - ##
No-brainer, Heath Ledger. First off, he was great. Second off, he's dead. Even if he hadn't died too soon, he'd likely win anyway. He re-invented the role of The Joker as a maniacal psycho and you truly forget it's him playing that role. He's got a 1-20 odds in Vegas to win, (not 20 to 1, 1 to 20). Bet your $20 and win a dollar.
Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams, "Doubt" - ###
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" - #####
Viola Davis, "Doubt" - #
Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - ##
Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler" - ####
Another tight race, and the only one here I feel I could get wrong. Viola Davis was good, but appeared in only 2 scenes. That's right, 2 scenes! Important scenes to the movie, but not nearly enough to qualify in this group. My choice would be Marisa Tomei, the reluctant love-interest for Mickey Rourke's over-the-hill wrestler. Lots of naked scenes, which certainly helped, but her role in Rourke's character's life was hugely important in this film.
However, I think Penelope Cruz will take this award. She comes out of nowhere with a larger than life personality, one moment a raging woman scorned, the next a compassionate sweet lover, then back to psycho. She steps in and steals the film. Actresses in Woody Allen films are especially blessed at awards time, so for that reason I predict her as the winner.
Best Director:
Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire" - #####
Stephen Daldry, "The Reader" - #
David Fincher, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" - ###
Ron Howard, "Frost/Nixon" - ##
Gus Van Sant, "Milk" - ####
What do I know about Directing? Nothing. I can only look at the scope of a film and how difficult it must've been to film its scenes. Benjamin Button will win ALL the technical awards for making Brad Pitt 2 feet shorter and aging backwards. "Milk" had a lot of outdoor crowd scenes and recreated San Francisco in the 1970's. But Slumdog Millionaire was much wider in scope, expanded on the lives of the characters over 2 dozen years, and continually answered the questions it posed as the film went along. The basic concept of the film is that an uneducated kid from the trash-piles of India somehow knowing all the answers posed to him on a game show and as each question is asked, we see flashbacks in his life that explain how he knows the answers. And we find the real reason he's on the show in the first place (it's NOT to win the money).
Because Best Picture and Best Director often go hand-in-hand, I'm picking Slumdog Millionaire to take home both awards.
Best Documentary:
I only saw one of the nominees, but I saw the winner. About Phillipe Petit, the high-wire walker who traversed the Twin Towers shortly after they were built was just excellent. Complete with home movies of the young Petit in his backyard and a re-creation of how his "team" got him and his wire up to the top of TWC was just fascinating to watch for those of us who remember when he did it. Now we see how he did it, and why.
One last note: Bruce Springsteen not even being nominated for Best Song for a song he did exclusively for The Wrestler is a downright shame. My Springsteen fandom ended with "The River" album. Nothing he's done since even interests me. And when it comes to movie songs, most are just add-on's that aren't even heard during the film. Other than the James Bond theme songs, name a song and the movie it's born from? You can't. And yes, this Bruce song comes during the closing credits. But it totally sums up the main character and makes a perfect musical ending to a great film. You can imagine the main character singing this song about himself.
That's it. If you rent movies, take my advice and rent The Wrestler, Milk, Doubt, and of course, Slumdog Millionaire when they become available legally. You won't be sorry you spent a couple hours with any of them.
Kobe & Shaq, together again
Just saw on ESPN that Kobe and Shaq were co-MVP's of the NBA All-Star game yesterday (the day after Valentines Day).
Kobe and Shaq are non-men.
Look at the video of them at the post-game press conference and ask yourself, what kind of MAN would make nice with someone who rapped at a NYC club, "Kobe, what my ass taste like?" and what kind of MAN would rap publicly about another nominal man performing analingus on him, presumably under coercion? Kobe hasn't pursed his lips like that since he "confessed" his sexual indiscretions to his wife at another notorious press conference. He was so effusive in his praise of Shaq I thought he was about to say, "And his ass taste good!"
Maybe Shaq bought him a $3 million ring.
If you're about to scream "homophobic" re-read what I've written. I'm not calling them gay men, I'm calling them non-men. (Nor do they measure up to the standard of a woman with integrity.)
It's something to think about the next time Stuart Scott or another ESPN shill starts yakking about how tough NBA players are. What the hell is a "power dunk" or a "power rebound"? The ball weighs less than a pound!
The idea of NBA players as physically strong and menacing died in the "Malice in the Palice" All-Disgrace game, when "the best athletes in the world" couldn't inflict a bruise on drunk, unsuspecting fans. So now the ESPN and SI and other shills for the NBA have to talk as if the ball weighs 350 pounds.
Speaking of something that is inflated and actually does weigh 350 pounds, did anyone see Shaq's feckless attempt to do a pull-up on the rim? He couldn't budge his own weight.
When Herr Jordan retired the first time the NBA was desperate for a replacement "best athlete ever" (because actually shooting the ball through the hoop is not "athletic"), so they stopped calling offensive fouls. The result: Shaquille O'Neal, Superstar.
By the way, anyone count the number of steps some playaz took to the hoop? The first time Lebron drove "hard to the hoop" yesterday, he took so many steps with the ball in his hand--I counted four--that even the announcers, the ultimate shills for David Stern's fraudulent "game," joked that it must have been Lebron's "crab dribble"--"King" James's name for his version of travelling.
If the NBA, with it's individualized rules and corrupt refs, were boxing, it would be investigated by state athletic associations.
Raging Bullwinkle's only interest in basketball, as it has been for the last 15 years, is as a model for street thugs. Thugs repeat the lies of rappers and NBA stars. Happened again just last week when a thug who broke the leg of a 60+ year old man who tried to stop him from shoplifting claimed the victim actually fell "on his own" because "I perfected my basketball skills. I went right, I went left, I went right, and he fell."
This thug, by the way, was a European born white, so if you reached for your brown crayon that's on you.
If fat Shaq can be the world's strongest man and highest jumper and formerly bestest athlete, despite the total lack of supporting evidence, why couldn't Euro-Thug claim to be a great "baller"? Not long ago an obese 5' 3" thug (if you took your Mahogony crayon out of the Crayola box you can use it now) told me he was going to play in the NBA. And why shouldn't he think I'd believe that?
***
Yesterday Buffalo Bill Marshawn Lynch was sitting in a car with two of his boyz when the cops found him in possession of a loaded handgun.
Can we call them The Lynch Mob?
Kobe and Shaq are non-men.
Look at the video of them at the post-game press conference and ask yourself, what kind of MAN would make nice with someone who rapped at a NYC club, "Kobe, what my ass taste like?" and what kind of MAN would rap publicly about another nominal man performing analingus on him, presumably under coercion? Kobe hasn't pursed his lips like that since he "confessed" his sexual indiscretions to his wife at another notorious press conference. He was so effusive in his praise of Shaq I thought he was about to say, "And his ass taste good!"
Maybe Shaq bought him a $3 million ring.
If you're about to scream "homophobic" re-read what I've written. I'm not calling them gay men, I'm calling them non-men. (Nor do they measure up to the standard of a woman with integrity.)
It's something to think about the next time Stuart Scott or another ESPN shill starts yakking about how tough NBA players are. What the hell is a "power dunk" or a "power rebound"? The ball weighs less than a pound!
The idea of NBA players as physically strong and menacing died in the "Malice in the Palice" All-Disgrace game, when "the best athletes in the world" couldn't inflict a bruise on drunk, unsuspecting fans. So now the ESPN and SI and other shills for the NBA have to talk as if the ball weighs 350 pounds.
Speaking of something that is inflated and actually does weigh 350 pounds, did anyone see Shaq's feckless attempt to do a pull-up on the rim? He couldn't budge his own weight.
When Herr Jordan retired the first time the NBA was desperate for a replacement "best athlete ever" (because actually shooting the ball through the hoop is not "athletic"), so they stopped calling offensive fouls. The result: Shaquille O'Neal, Superstar.
By the way, anyone count the number of steps some playaz took to the hoop? The first time Lebron drove "hard to the hoop" yesterday, he took so many steps with the ball in his hand--I counted four--that even the announcers, the ultimate shills for David Stern's fraudulent "game," joked that it must have been Lebron's "crab dribble"--"King" James's name for his version of travelling.
If the NBA, with it's individualized rules and corrupt refs, were boxing, it would be investigated by state athletic associations.
Raging Bullwinkle's only interest in basketball, as it has been for the last 15 years, is as a model for street thugs. Thugs repeat the lies of rappers and NBA stars. Happened again just last week when a thug who broke the leg of a 60+ year old man who tried to stop him from shoplifting claimed the victim actually fell "on his own" because "I perfected my basketball skills. I went right, I went left, I went right, and he fell."
This thug, by the way, was a European born white, so if you reached for your brown crayon that's on you.
If fat Shaq can be the world's strongest man and highest jumper and formerly bestest athlete, despite the total lack of supporting evidence, why couldn't Euro-Thug claim to be a great "baller"? Not long ago an obese 5' 3" thug (if you took your Mahogony crayon out of the Crayola box you can use it now) told me he was going to play in the NBA. And why shouldn't he think I'd believe that?
***
Yesterday Buffalo Bill Marshawn Lynch was sitting in a car with two of his boyz when the cops found him in possession of a loaded handgun.
Can we call them The Lynch Mob?
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Comical Commerce
I hear there's an opening to lead a department I once wanted abolished.
Can I have the job, please please please please?? I know we don't see eye to eye on matters that concern this department, and hiring me for it would seem strange and be unprecidented, but please please please can I have the job?
I can? Thank you!
I quit.
Can I have the job, please please please please?? I know we don't see eye to eye on matters that concern this department, and hiring me for it would seem strange and be unprecidented, but please please please can I have the job?
I can? Thank you!
I quit.
Men are more than their sperm
The nutjob who gave birth to 8 implanted embryos has been widely criticized and for good reason.
But I've seen no mention of one aspect of the story: the "father."
Heretofore it's been considered a "medical miracle" when a woman gives birth via in vitro fertilization. Indeed, it is a wonderful thing when a medical problem prevents a couple from having children the old fashioned way. For example, a man who is about to undergo chemotherapy may have some of his sperm frozen, enabling he and his wife to use an in vitro fertilization technique after the chemotherapy has reduced his sperm count or essentially sterilized him.
But that's not what we're talking about here. The nutty woman AND the equally nutty M.D. who implanted the embryos were unconcerned with the resultant children being fatherless. So, too, was the guy paid to wank off into a specimen jar. In their scheme, all men are needed for is viable sperm cells.
I'm not a farm animal. At a nearby university research farm bull sperm is harvested "scientifically." An electric prod is pushed into the bull's rectum, an electrical stimulus is applied to the bull's prostate, and a veterinary student catches the ejaculate in a styrofoam cup. Then they leave the bull alone to contemplate his status as a source of sperm.
Raging Bullwinkle is contemplating the status of human men as only a source of sperm in the eyes of some. You might say that some men are perfectly happy with that status, but Raging Bullwinkle does not consider those specimens to be men. Indeed, Raging Bullwinkle does not use the term "fathered children" when those children have experienced paternal abandonment; "sired children" is the more apt phrasing.
Doubtless, those sexists who consider men to be useful only as a source of sperm would call Raging Bullwinkle's viewpoint "regressive." That's the standard ad hominem counter-attack.
But men don't want to oppress women. Men want to be recognized as humans.
But I've seen no mention of one aspect of the story: the "father."
Heretofore it's been considered a "medical miracle" when a woman gives birth via in vitro fertilization. Indeed, it is a wonderful thing when a medical problem prevents a couple from having children the old fashioned way. For example, a man who is about to undergo chemotherapy may have some of his sperm frozen, enabling he and his wife to use an in vitro fertilization technique after the chemotherapy has reduced his sperm count or essentially sterilized him.
But that's not what we're talking about here. The nutty woman AND the equally nutty M.D. who implanted the embryos were unconcerned with the resultant children being fatherless. So, too, was the guy paid to wank off into a specimen jar. In their scheme, all men are needed for is viable sperm cells.
I'm not a farm animal. At a nearby university research farm bull sperm is harvested "scientifically." An electric prod is pushed into the bull's rectum, an electrical stimulus is applied to the bull's prostate, and a veterinary student catches the ejaculate in a styrofoam cup. Then they leave the bull alone to contemplate his status as a source of sperm.
Raging Bullwinkle is contemplating the status of human men as only a source of sperm in the eyes of some. You might say that some men are perfectly happy with that status, but Raging Bullwinkle does not consider those specimens to be men. Indeed, Raging Bullwinkle does not use the term "fathered children" when those children have experienced paternal abandonment; "sired children" is the more apt phrasing.
Doubtless, those sexists who consider men to be useful only as a source of sperm would call Raging Bullwinkle's viewpoint "regressive." That's the standard ad hominem counter-attack.
But men don't want to oppress women. Men want to be recognized as humans.
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